At home decompressing Upcoming Attractions!

So what’s my handle after 13,879 days on planet earth?

I’m not a gambler. I prefer to watch others lose money as mine stays safely tucked away in an IRA.

I haven’t a drink problem. I love a Super Tuscan, chilly sake and sunset martini hour, but I don’t drink myself into oblivion.

I don’t use drugs. Because it’s an utter waste of time.

I’m love biking, hiking, going to the gym and Barry’s Boot Camp. I love a good sweat and when a beautifully fit gay man yells at me to run faster on the treadmill!

I’m tattoo free. My skin is lovely in its original form and I’m not going to f**k it up with some dumb ass dolphin tattooed on my ankle or a butterfly on my lower back. When I ‘m an old lady, I’ll have beautiful, milky white buttery soft skin fabulousness!

Only my ears are pierced. No need to elaborate on this because really, why would I want my tongue or nether region pierced? That’s just nasty.

I am a shopper. But I am also a good returner. Sometimes I could be considered a bulimic shopper but I like pretty!

I’m happily child free. Enough said.

I don’t own a house. But I do have two lovely rentals on each coast. One day I’ll own but for now I’m content being unencumbered.

I’m divorced. Yet remain optimistic I will one day be in a long-term relationship.

My baggage fits under the seat in front of me and in the overhead bin. I’m not bogged down with emotion strife and drama - I am pro drama-free.

I’m a traveler at heart. You might say I am addicted to traveling and you can’t have a narrow mind when you have a thick passport.

Yep, that’s boring thirty-eight year old me.

Or as friend once said, your not thirty-eight, your DIRTY EIGHT- live it up baby!

I will - copy that!

Lost in Thought..... Lost the plot

Let this blog be the reason for the diversion of your attention from the company you are presently in.

I’m sure that line at Starbucks is long and you want to look important so divert your attention to your iphone just in case anyone tries to make idle chit chat about the weather. I bet that lunch meeting is boring you shitless so here I am to make it look like you’re checking important emails. I’m confident you might be texting with your dinner companion since eye contact and human connection is so arduous and I bet in between texts with you and seven others, they’re also checking in on Facebook while Twittering since your date embodies the term inattention, as do you, as do I - so here I am, just for you, you and you.

Smile. I’m for your eyes only.

Oh la la!

No, I’m not that kinda web site. Simmer down sassy!

My blog and blather is just as mind-numbing as your FB News Feed so instead of being a repeat offender to the same web site as 500 million others, go on and be exclusive and waste your time here with me and my wonky words. I’ve very little to educate you with but be sure I’ll babble on long enough to make you believe it was worthy of at least 42 seconds of your time.

Fun Fact! The sentence “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter in the English language.

Now, if you are as quirky as I, you’ll read the alphabet quietly to yourself as you visually confirm every letter in the sentence - surely others will perceive you as mentally engaged and this will account for another 34 seconds of dull fluff.

Why the hell are you here anyway? What, nothing good on eHarmony tonight?

Well, then to make being here worth your while just so you know, turtles can breathe through their bums.

Flash back.... Lost in Thought.....

I wasn’t the clever one to come up with “Jalopy New Year!”

I have my iPhone predictive text feature to thank for that clever quip!

At first, I laughed my ass off because it’s simply a funny unexpected use of words and I repeatedly sent the same message without realizing this is what was going out into the universe to my family and friends. I had a brief moment of concern because I thought I had put out negativity into the first minutes of the New Year because by definition “jalopy” is an old & unreliable car. Vehicle 2010 was exactly that for most of my friends and family, 2010 was unreliable and the unstable ground left us mostly tired and feeling older. But it was my wake-up call and I can’t speak for others but for me, I am thankful for all that 2010 taught me and I endured. It was a year to make you think, be creative and persist. 2010 started out by kicking my ass but in the end, I kicked its ass and won and ended the year in probably the best mental space I’ve been in, in years.

Sorry, I divagate, back to my Jalopy.

Upon further excavation of the word jalopy, besides meaning old unreliable car, it also refers to heap and then to further define heap and it encompasses a collection of items laid upon each other; also bestow in large quantities and most importantly fill to overflow. And that’s exactly what I hope for everyone, that 2011 will become the accumulation of the best of everything - health, happiness, mental growth, love, wealth and feelings of grandeur and absolute contentment.

Now go out into 2011, kick ass and make yourself proud!

Heapy New Year my Ducky Dearies!

At home decompressing

I never thought I’d not belong wherever it was I’ve stood.

Recent discovery of alien territory proved that there are places I may not belong.

Simply put, it wasn’t meant to be mine. It wasn’t the instant oatmeal family that I had grown accustom to.

I didn’t jell in the territory and it was beyond what I had ever known. I couldn’t permeate the bubble. I barely survived the orbit. I’m still dumbfounded how people do it - perhaps they know something I don’t or perhaps I run along to a different beat.

I know I live amongst the stars and one day I should come back to earth but really, give me one reason why I should?

It’s lovely up here, and it’s amazing to be out there. To reside within four walls merely showed me a point of view and left me craving for a window and daydreams to wander once again.

I believed I was a chameleon because every gig leading up to that moment had proved that yes, I could adapt into any environment but its now been proven untrue which leads to not only my disappointment but contributes to the disappointment of others. And for this, I am very sorry. Furthermore, this blog and apology into the universe is long overdue.

I’m tired of should-ing on myself. (shoulding=shitting)

I should do this, I should do that, I should have that, I should be more like….fill in the blank.

I thought I should stay because millions of people would kill for such a job but I just couldn’t do it.

I put a stop to “the should” and moved on - feeling free to fly once again and knowing I made the right decision.

Reality can sometimes be hard to swallow, especially when you want something to work out so badly but sometimes no matter how much you struggle, it just doesn’t. I hope for my situation, no harm no foul and perhaps one day the explorer in me will discover that there is a proverbial middle ground.

There’s always hope and when the night is dark, the stars always come out.

Lost the plot

My GTL stands for Gym, Traffic & Lonely.

I’ve been grounded now for more than a fortnight. Try 40 days. Forty days ago was the last day on tour, out in the world actually using my passport and boarding a transatlantic flight, going left into business class by way of complimentary upgrade from cattle to business. Thank you American Airlines!

Make no mistake, I ‘m very happy to be living back in LA, trying my hand at how the other half live - you know, like not on a tour bus. However, I’m grounded. Still not fully wrapping my brain around the concept. I’m not talking about terra firma grounded earthy granola hippy peace love and beads grounded - I mean grounded in the literal sense that it’s the first time in 12 years I’ve NOT have a plane ticket booked for imminent travel and to this I say, WTF?!?!

I’m ever so slightly gutted due to newly found going no where nature because I feel like I’m merely hovering in stifled mindlessness. And I miss all that perpetual, indefinite motion. I’m use to living on the autobahn of life and now my arse in the slow lane. I’m suppose to appreciate things a bit more, but right now it’s like I’m in an incessant school zone with speed bumps every 4 feet and I can’t see anything but another bump in MY road.

Ok STOP! Hold the press! This as NOT a pity party blog for the pretty princess. No, no and no! It’s hardly the point of my venting. It’s merely stepping back to gain perspective. Here I am, where I said I wanted to be, exactly where I hoped I be and now I’m here and all I can think is “now what?” This can’t be it. Really? Seriously? There’s more to it, isn’t there? Maybe there’s more to it but then again, maybe not.

Something went somewhere. I don’t know what and I don’t know where.

Shari went to LA. Still not 100% as to why but for some reason being here is going to lead to the next path. This is where I will start life anew. I will not fail to launch but I hope it’s soon because I’m bored outta my gourd.

Is the grass lime greener? I think not.