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Oct242011

Lost in Thought..... Lost the plot

Changes are a constant. Always in motion, changing into each moment – in perpetuity.

I welcome change yet I find it hard to keep up with it all. Can’t everything change yet stay the same? Ah, yet another conundrum of how to make the improbable and impossible into possibleness. Leave it to me, I will find the way.

As I sit here, perched up in my Hollywood Hills tree house, I can’t help but want to stay sitting in this window forever. Yet the reality is that 7 days from now, this will no longer be my home of inspiration and wonderment. I’m moving on to a much better place, I am moving in with the man I love who will become my husband. But right now all I can think about is how can I keep my current life and mesh it with my future.

A year ago, I sat in this very window and wondered how I would make the impossible possible by meeting a man and going on a date. A simple date, that’s it. I hadn’t any deeper expectations and by that point, I had been date-free for three years. I wasn’t expecting the world yet a year later and what feels like a lifetime ago I’m now engaged, getting married next spring. Who would’ve thought? Certainly not I, but now, here we are.

The longer I rattle around in my own skull space, the more I become outta touch and eventually run outta time to enjoy what I have. I sometimes I alienate myself so much I lose the very thing I am terrified of losing, which is time.

Have I made the most of my lofty view? Did I absorb all my breathing space had to give? I hope I did, as my sojourn is almost to a close, time to turn the page into the next chapter.

However I worry, if I lose my view, do I lose a dream? If I move into suburbia into the simplicity of four walls, do I lose my vision? Or am I merely writing more into the story that has yet to be told? The writer in me wants to stay and the realist in me says it’s time to leave. Who’s the devil and who’s the angel? Damn it, I embody both. Joke is on me.

6 more sunrises, 7 more sunsets – almost time to find out how story unfolds.

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  1. Allison says,

    Darling girl – for those of us who’ve known and loved you for years we know that you will NEVER stop dreaming, never stop reaching for that next star, now you just have someone to enjoy the view with. As we grow older (those others not us) enjoy the small moments for you my dear have had a lifetime of large ones! I wish you both joy and love. I only wish you weren’t a continent away but here on our beach more often to visit.

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