At home decompressing

I never thought I’d not belong wherever it was I’ve stood.

Recent discovery of alien territory proved that there are places I may not belong.

Simply put, it wasn’t meant to be mine. It wasn’t the instant oatmeal family that I had grown accustom to.

I didn’t jell in the territory and it was beyond what I had ever known. I couldn’t permeate the bubble. I barely survived the orbit. I’m still dumbfounded how people do it – perhaps they know something I don’t or perhaps I run along to a different beat.

I know I live amongst the stars and one day I should come back to earth but really, give me one reason why I should?

It’s lovely up here, and it’s amazing to be out there. To reside within four walls merely showed me a point of view and left me craving for a window and daydreams to wander once again.

I believed I was a chameleon because every gig leading up to that moment had proved that yes, I could adapt into any environment but its now been proven untrue which leads to not only my disappointment but contributes to the disappointment of others. And for this, I am very sorry. Furthermore, this blog and apology into the universe is long overdue.

I’m tired of should-ing on myself. (shoulding=shitting)

I should do this, I should do that, I should have that, I should be more like….fill in the blank.

I thought I should stay because millions of people would kill for such a job but I just couldn’t do it.

I put a stop to “the should” and moved on – feeling free to fly once again and knowing I made the right decision.

Reality can sometimes be hard to swallow, especially when you want something to work out so badly but sometimes no matter how much you struggle, it just doesn’t. I hope for my situation, no harm no foul and perhaps one day the explorer in me will discover that there is a proverbial middle ground.

There’s always hope and when the night is dark, the stars always come out.

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