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Aug172009

At home decompressing

Stood in my kitchen at sunset, wearing black Lululemon lounge pants and a black tank top, fresh from the shower having just kicked my ass at the gym. The all black wardrobe is one of the many hazards of the life on the road.

I’ve just shaken myself a pear martini, I’m nibbling on multi-grain sunflower & sesame seed chips – scooping generously out of the roasted red pepper hummus container. Groove salad on iTunes radio keeps me focused to absolutely nothing.

I crunch mindlessly, sip my martini and stare out through the sliding glass doors, across my balcony of green plants into the burnished sun – into the Gulf Of Mexico. I am alone, staring while smiling. Peace permeates my home by the sea. At present, no one calls on the walkie talkie demanding for fat free thousand- island salad dressing. No one ringing me on the mobile, asking where the limo is. No one specific, losing their shit for showing up at the wrong airport for their flight. No one stood in front of me demanding my full attention. I am aimless.

I am afloat. Hidden from the world. Ha!

Except the crunching, I am silent, enjoying peace. Why on earth would I leave again? Oh, that’s right – because it’s my job and I am happy to do it but not as much as I enjoy my kitchen, my chips & hummus and this martini.

Staring into the ocean helps me to realize there’s something larger than me and the ones I work for; I am not sure what to do with this but for now it’s grounding me and it feels like a secret. Life is art in motion and chaos, in which, most of us are hired to keep it all under control. People are gaga crazy and we cope with their unhinged, half-baked neediness or their awkwardly sticky cluelessness of the job they are suppose to do.

I feel like I’ve uncovered the key to solace.

A new place for me to discover and you to find & figure out.

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Aug72009

At home decompressing

Four and a half hours of sitting in a dentist chair today gave me plenty of time to think. Thankfully above my chair was a flat screen TV jutting from the ceiling and I could watch “I Dream of Jeannie” to take my mind off the mouth work ahead. I may be here for dental work but I have more mental exercise taking place than anyone in the office could imagine. Each step of my elective procedure was merely assisting me in my mind think over.

Step One:

My mouth was pried open with a dental dam and cheeks stuffed with wads of cotton, only to then have lasers blast my teeth to a brighter shade of white. My mind was overflowing with plenty to say but nothing could be expressed or heard, only gurgles and excessive amounts of drool, The dental assistant told me I was a heavy drooler – wow, I’m attractive!

Just before oodles of goopy goop was stuffed into my mouth to make impressions and having my two front teeth pulverized for a set of porcelain veneers, I started to reflect and digest the tour leg just completed. 90 days of riding a rollercoaster is enough to make even the strong ones weak. I had mastered better communication skills with “thumbs up/thumbs down” to my dentist than the last 3 months of my life. On tour, all I wanted to do was a good job, keep people happy and keep moving forward but I think somewhere along the line I failed. Sadly, I just don’t know where it all went wrong. Quite mirthful that I’m watching a TV show where the Jeannie in the bottle wants to use her special powers to please her master. By no means do I consider myself a servant but I do want to please those I work for – wow, is the universe mocking me as I drool in front of others. Nice.

Step Two:

Insert a mouthful of pink pepper minty gooey goop and chomp down. The making of my pretty pricy porcelain pegs has begun.

Step Three:

My two front teeth obliterated and I cannot resist asking for a mirror to see this toothless wonder that is me before my temporary veneers are put in place. Those pretty ones arrive in ten days. God, do I look defect.

Life is full of design flaws and we spend most of our lives doing damage control. Words are spoken when they should remain thoughts. Written words-misread. We make mistakes only with the ability to apologize without a way to reverse the damage done. We say things we often don’t mean. We make promises we can’t always keep. Our mistakes can cause shit storms that can go way beyond control. That is life on tour and off tour, in fact, its life summed up.

Step Four:

Temporary teeth are in place and the rest of my own teeth are beaming the whitest white. With pain meds in hand and a big smile for the change ahead of me – I am out the door and heading home for sunset martini hour. Time to embrace solitude where silence is golden.

Oddly, I feel more grounded than ever. I suppose time at home, where I actually buy my own groceries, do my own laundry and make appointments and wait in line like the rest of the population humbles me. I am finding peace in the oddest of places and I am embracing the ability to keep both feet on the ground because soon enough I will be aloft.

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