At home decompressing

I simply cannot claim ownership of having “a life.” I don’t dare call the current one I lead my very own. Actually, if I’d had “a life” I’m not convinced I’d recognize it but yet, I’ve not given definition to the statement; “having a life.” The direction to which I’m currently lead and often pulled by passport leash, I certainly do NOT call “having a life.” At one time I did, but now… no so much. I am exhausted restless and can’t keep up.The last 10 years of living “the life” has been at the whims, exhaustion and mercy of others with status I simply do not have but merely inherit by association; while in residence of managing their many lives of glamorous chaos. To those with civilian status – I’ve the most incredibly lead life! Hell, if I could reside in the heads of others and parade around in the fantasies they paint in what they THINK is my life – then I would say – hell yes! I have a life! But the sad reality is lost in the glamour of the names I work for and with that, no one could think my life could be any less glamorous than those I’m associated with. And this, my dear reader, is so beyond far from truth. I’m just allowing those, far more bewitching than thy self, to drag my lovely ass around this world just so I can save money. The money that grants the luxury of taking a sabbatical; then I’ll hire myself to do as I wish. Sounds silly doesn’t it? But really, what’s the difference between working towards retirement and me working towards socking enough cash away to run for the hills from those mighty rock stars to figure out the next stage in what was allegedly my life?

I need a life and want a life. I want a significant other, I want a home, I want stability – I want, I want, I want – and yes, I need those things too. But first, I need a life.

1. P says,

   Are you the one who once (maybe more) said to me: “You’re sooo needy!” ?

   I believe that “life” is like age… it’s a fact, but everyone interprets it differently… If it doesnt work as it is, try to change the way you sees it. xox
2. Dr. Gonzo says,

   Stability, holy Christ woman, what are you thinking??? Might be a brain tumor pressing on your cortex, get that checked, or at least have a few drinks and drown yourself in your own success for a few hours.

   As a doctor, I suggest performing this ritual in a tiki bar if possible, on the white sands of a gulfcoast beach. Relax, think about how your success has allowed you to see the world and make fun of so many strange and exotic people. Your sarcasm keeps you sane, as does the lack of time to think about the pace of your existence.

   Get a grip and realize those of us with stability sometimes yearn for the chaos that is your present situation. We of course could do without all those rock star types, groupies, roadies, and all the other bothersome flotsam that clog the waterways of the process.

   Anyway, enough whining. Maybe I’m a bit rough this morning as I ran out of olives late last night and haven’t been sober enough to venture out of this fortified compound and hunt down another jar of those pimento-stuffed beauties. They are critical to the martini, you know? Just a splash of the olive juice transforms what would be an acrid blend of ice and alcohol into a mezmerizing mix of flavors. Perfect with eggs and crisp, thick bacon on a clear Monday morning here in the south.

   Anyway, let’s end this whole thing with you agreeing to sock some cash away for an escape from “the life” for enough time to gain sanity, and then go back for a run at the next level. Take over the deal. Run the place. You have the drive and the understanding of the horror that is a worldwide tour, so take the bull by the balls and become the leader of the insanity. Bad craziness for sure, but you will retire young, unlike me. I’ll be working until I die, and then they will sell my remaining and usable organs to pay for my incineration (not the liver for certain). You deserve better, so hang in there.

   You bought the ticket, so take the ride…. all the way.

   HST

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