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Mar242008

On the Road

One big mistake I continually make is in thinking that there will be a defining moment of acknowledgment that would thread together all of my touring experiences; bringing it full circle and from there it would be time to exit stage left, into the next phase of my life. But there isn’t such juncture and may never be because life is a series of moments and not all are pivotal.

There isn’t a final destination just one continuous journey. A collection of experience that help you to arrive into this very breath, revealing your current position, a place several months prior you might not have never imagine you’d arrive. When the time is right to shift gears – I will, you will. One can’t expect there will be some grandiose turning point, a loaded moment of truth that will flash like a hot-pink neon sign screaming, “Now’s the time, change everything!”

It’s wrong to always focus on the next thing versus what is actually at hand. It’s also incorrect to only focus on what’s not happening versus what is. It might be easy to see what doesn’t work and simple to fall into the safety zone of something that’s far more comfortable and predictable even if it’s not the logical thing to do. My focus needs to shift. I’ve been so miserable about not having control in my work that I’ve actually overlooked what I do have control over. No control spins me out of control and now it’s time to take some back.

I find myself once again in Australia, sitting in a plush, fuzzy bean bag at a hip little lounge on the waterfront, that faces the Brisbane Storey Bridge. I’m nestled amongst the glittery jet-set and house music permeates this vibatious lounge. I people watch, I write and I’m enjoying life for the first time on this tour while trying to chill the f**k out. The city skyline is complete with a full moon glowing in the clear summer night sky, it’s one of many backdrops that engulf my world at the moment. A warm breeze cascades over me as I sip my glass of red and eat tapas off the floor with a few friends from the tour. I can’t miss out on moments like this because I am always on the search for the next thing. Every exit is an entry somewhere and the time is now to stop thinking about tomorrow and enjoy the moment of now.

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Mar92008

On the Road

Have you ever had a day where you feel useless? A day where regardless of the effort exerted, it’s never enough nor ever good enough and nothing seems to go right?

Well, I’ve felt this way for the last 120 days and it continues in similar fashion. When the puzzle pieces do not fit – nothing seems right. I don’t want to be a downer but seriously, you are reading the diary of a woman on tour and it’s not always going to be glamorous with incredible days off with breathtaking views in exotic lands. Mostly, it’s frustrating, exhausting & chronic bedlam. It’s hotel, venue. Hotel, venue then plane. Jam a 13 hour flight in the middle of the madness and there you are – on tour. I do love the touring life but also loathe it. I find myself starting to disengage; detaching with every passing moment. Pondering if I’ll ever get the last few years of my life back.

Sorry for venting session but this entry has no apex. I currently exist in the abyss and you’re just being dragged along for the ride.

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