On the Road

Packed? Check.
Passport? Check.
Flight itinerary? Check.
Sleeping tablets? Check.
Ipod with new episodes of CSI? Check.
Brain? Left that somewhere, maybe TSA confiscated it.

My ass is ready to go. In fact, I’ve plenty of time during the commute to squeeze in a Starbucks stop for a grande triple shot dry cappuccino. I treat my brother to a mocha frap, so it’s how I can convince him to derail our journey to the big bad airport. The airport that transports his sister to all corners of the globe. But madness ensues in route to the airport. Normally, the drive is less than 40 minutes; today over 2 hours. The traffic was heinous and unexplained. I live in god’s waiting room for crap sake, there is NO traffic in St. Pete, Florida. In fact, I can navigate my way quicker to LAX from North Hollywood than what we endured today. Bless my brother, driving on curbs, finding the weakest link in traffic for us to cut off - driving safely, like a mad man to the airport. As stressful as it is to know I’m on the last flight out tonight, in order to catch my connecting flight to Santiago, Chile - it’s still a game and I intend to win.

With less than a hour before the flight takes off, I drop my bags, collect my boarding pass and sail thru security. I’ve made it!!!! Now, I can have the cappuccino that shite traffic cheated me out of. But before I do, I discover that not only am I no longer tardy but now my f*king flight is delayed……. for over an hour. I laugh out loud, smile then, as if on cue my phone rings. The singer & fiancee are now placed on a later flight, out of NYC, due to mechanical issues & are now routed thru Peru. The tour mangler and security thug must re-route their flight out of Miami to meet up with them so they don’t fly by themselves. And the rest of my crew & band (16 people) aren’t flying out of Dallas due to do mechanical failure & have to wait for a new plane to be brought in - so a night in a crap Dallas hotel for them. And one crew member has gone missing. He hasn’t boarded any of his flights and is not answering his phone. I am pissing myself laughing at this point because out of a touring party of 23, only two of us fly on our original flight tonight. Once all flights are re-routed, I am now on my way to Santiago. The flight was a breeze and I arrived on time. After we landed a myriad of text messages flood my sidekick.

The crew is on the plane - hooray!
Manager & security dudes on their flight - yippie!
Lighting designer? Still MIA.
Artist & fiancee….. they missed their rescheduled flight because they somehow failed to get to the gate on time.

Oops.

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